


god i wish i never spoke

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Depression, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Trauma, Unrequited Love, self abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 01:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19074541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: at the end of the day, he chided himself, he is expendable,nothing happens for a reason, he will be gone soon like nothing happened.





	god i wish i never spoke

**Author's Note:**

> hello! of you've read the tags and is uncomfortable please leave this fic alone. shit happened and im writing my life down

I.

 

you couldn't possibly blame him, he didn't really expect any answers. he was shaking and possibly numb. just how many fucking times does he have to remind himself that he shouldn't rush anything god forbid him to actually have a future family. now all he could do was stand in front of his locker, hands shaking due to anxiety as he opened the neatly folded letter, scented in lilacs. 

 

 

**" i found this all too adorable but, im sorry. i appreciate it all very much, i just don't wanna sacrifice anything. i don't wanna risk it all. you're my best friend and will always be, i love you a lot. i just don't wanna hurt you."**

 

 

that was odd. he had expected the older to hate him for liking him, he had expected for the older to lash out on him. but that's bullshit. lee donghyuck couldn't possibly hurt him, donghyuck loved the boy with his whole heart, not just the way chenle wanted. but did chenle have any room to butt in? did he have any rights to complain when he burdened a lot of people just by existing? the young chinese lad could only bitterly grunt as he threw the letter away, might as well throw everything he's feeling. 

 

 

❗❗

 

isn't it a miserable monday morning, 

 

 

chenle was greeted by no other than wong kunhang. his god like features, chenle was enraptured for a second till he waved it off. he stood up from his creaking bed, only to wash up and prepare for yet another nightmare that's a reality. 

 

**"you know sometimes i wish i fell down the rabbit hole with alice, or jumped out the window and flew away with peter pan or-"**

 

hendery stopped talking, trailing off as he saw chenle tiredly rinse his face with running water. "you know what i mean right?" after chenle has responded with a sound of approval, hendery kept on blabbering about wanting to escape the world he's living in. 

 

**"just like renjun, i have always believed in aliens. and i…"** he knew if he continued he'd stab chenle more, and the younger hasn't even healed from the previous accident. **"i just fucking wonder why we're all…here...then i realize we're here for a purpose. we all ended up as lost boys, it's depressing really. disowned by parents, or lost them or ran away…chenle you've never really told me about your side of the story-"**

 

**"you don't wanna hear it."**

 

he replied weakly as he changed into a new fresh pair of clothes. brushing his hair down, hendery only sighed as he got up from the chair and stood by chenle's doorway. 

 

**"you know,"** he started, sighing as he twisted the doorknob open **"i'm here, we're here. i'm sorry if our words don't seem sincere enough but we really do care."** he said as he shut the door and went downstairs to help kun with breakfast. 

 


End file.
